You don’t have to go through a deadly experience to have trauma. Sometimes, the smallest of things, compounded over time can lead to minor trauma. Even if it’s minor, it can still have a significant impact in your trust in Allah, the way you view yourself and life around you.
Why does it matter? Because when your brain is exhausted, stuck in fear and survival mode, unable to see beyond the moment, ‘just trust Allah’ doesn’t filter through. In fact, it can do the opposite. Trusting Allah can feel almost like a gimmick. Like you’ve been holding out for so long, but when does the relief come? When your brain is stuck in trauma, you recreate cycles that you’re trying to get out of. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You try really hard but nothing seems to change.
Again, it doesn’t have to be a life threatening experience. Never growing up in a peaceful home, being chronically broke, never meeting the right person, always on edge around your partner, parasocial relationships, emotionally neglectful parents… these are all experiences that can lead to trauma. The usual ‘just trust Allah’ or ‘sabr and think positive’ doesn’t hit deep enough to override your programming.
A little disclaimer: not everything in this post is backed by science. I don’t have statistics to prove why worshipping Allah soothes your heart, why reading Quran out loud regulates your nervous system but it just does, you know? When you go back to your Creator, it soothes your soul. In this post, I’ll go through 10 suggestions that will allow you to understand trauma better and gently support yourself through it. If you’d like further 1-1 support – keep an eye out till the end. Let’s begin inshaAllah!
1) Life Can Be Really Harsh
I’ll forever be the person to harp on about how beautiful this life can be, how many miracles and blessings surround us. But this does not ignore that sometimes, life can be really harsh. Ask the child that’s born into poverty in a 3rd world country. Ask the child that’s forced to miss out on school to beg for scraps.
So often with major and minor trauma, you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You just happen to be in circumstances that are beyond your control. Why did it happen to you? Who knows! We can go around in circles forever trying to figure out the cause. Why is it taking so long? That is up to Allah. Sometimes, you may never understand. You may never get to the bottom of it but thankfully, you don’t need that to heal. It can certainly help but it’s not a requirement.
When we say that Allah’s blessings are numerous, it does not negate that life could be extremely tough at times. Look through the stories of the Prophets, the companions, the righteous, they were all tested with hardship after hardship. But duality exists. Life can be so beautiful yet painful at times.
Trauma is not Allah’s punishment upon you, it’s not a failure on your part or something you’ve done to deserve it. It’t not because you haven’t tried hard enough to heal. It’s the little girl within you trying to cope on a primal level. It’s the little girl within your trying to make sense of a life that can feel terrifying, deeply unsafe and so fragile at the same time.
2) A Test From Allah Is Not To Drown You
‘Say, “Surely my prayer, my sacrifice, my life, and my death are all for Allah – Lord of all worlds.’ (Surah An’am – Ayah 162)
Whatever situation you’re currently going through and however long it’s taken, sit down with yourself tonight and set the intention that this is all for Allah’s sake. All of it. It doesn’t have to make sense. Just that every step now is for the sake of Allah. Every step back and forth is for Allah. It doesn’t have to make sense. You don’t have to see the end in mind but for now, pour your full heart into worshiping Allah. It’s you and Allah and ultimately, that’s all that matters.
When you come back to Allah, you’re never at loss. An ongoing test from Allah may leave you feeling helpless or a traumatic event may shake up your reality but it is not to break you. A test from Allah is not to drown you. Trauma can be the opening of a long road that brings you back home to your highest self.
3) Raise Your Hands To Allah
And tell Him your deepest and heaviest thoughts. Cry it out. Really speak to Allah. Tell Allah all of it. The ugliest and heaviest thoughts. The secrets that you keep from yourself. Sincere dua is a form of release and the goal is to get it off your mind.
4) All Of You In This Next Phase
Promise yourself that you will give all of your heart to this next phase of your life. To this transition. To this healing. To this journey. To whatever comes next.
It’s scary to leave the comfort of your inner and outer world even if it was hurting you. It’s hard to break through years of conditioning, swallowing in grief, not speaking up for yourself, not honouring your boundaries, not listening to your heart, not doing better for yourself etc.
Promise yourself, that you will give all of yourself to this next phase. To whatever comes. No looking back with regret, overanalysing the past, overcorrecting yourself or micro-managing the future. All of you to whatever the day brings. There are times where you’ll be triggered and you’ll default back to thinking patterns that weigh you down. Pick yourself up and keep moving.
5) Focus On Long Term Healing
By letting go of the urgency to heal and attract your desires, you allow yourself to move forward. I know it sounds contradictory. When you’re so attached to an outcome, as though your worth and peace of mind is tied to it, like you can’t live in peace without it, you repel it or you attract the wrong opportunities.
With healing minor or major trauma, it takes time. Yes, there are times where miraculous healing occurs and it can happen very quickly. There can be incidents which beautifully shift the momentum of your healing – look out for those! But understand, that you’re in it for the long run. That means, day in and day out healing. Pushing through when nothing looks like it’s changing. Healing for yourself not to get an outcome.
If Allah wanted a child to be born in 3 month instead of 9, could He not do that? Of course but there is wisdom in the time it takes. There is purpose behind every season. Delays are not meant to throw you off track.
6) Distance From The Wound
When you’re highly triggered and the pain is raw, now is not the time to go full force and face it. In some situations, this can help but more often than not it can re-trigger and intensify the wound. You try to heal but end up feeling worse.
Several years ago, I heard one of the best marriage advices. In the heat of an intense argument, go to the next room and flick through a magazine. (Yes, the days we used to buy print magazines!). Don’t underestimate what space and distance can do for your heart. Sometimes, it is as simple as stepping away from the trigger to allow your mind to refresh and ground itself. Trauma creates a sense of false urgency like it’s a life or death matter that has to be answered immediately. Distance from the wound is teaching the little girl within you that you will be okay even if nothing changes in this moment. That your emotional peace is not tied up to an external outcome. It’s not the end, there’s still more work to do but for now, you’ll be okay.
7) Feel It Without Crashing Out
Too many people are scared of feeling their trauma, as though it would swallow them whole if they felt what is in their heart. As though you couldn’t live with yourself if you let negative emotions pass through. It’s so uncomfortable and painful but this is where the wound begins to weaken. When you’re no longer scared of it and the fear (that keeps you stuck) begins to weaken.
Can you feel what is in your heart without crashing out? Can you acknowledge the fears that are buried beneath your every day thoughts? Can you face the worst and still know that Allah will not abandon you? Can you accept your situation without collapsing into it?
Monitor yourself through this – if journaling causes you to spiral, take a break and focus on other means. If speaking to a therapist only gives you a temporary high, how can you support yourself to go deeper? When the wound is triggered, monitor how you feel around it. Day by day, emotionally take yourself through and out of it. In the same way you lose physical weight, emotionally chip at it, day by day.
Unlike any other creation of Allah, human beings have this incredible capacity to feel a range of emotions at any given time. Isn’t that beautiful? How expansive your heart is? But you don’t have to burry yourself in your feelings. Feelings can come and go, let it wash over you.
8) The Stories Of Your Mind
This is where getting outside help can be so helpful. The truth is what you think is not always right. Your brain does not always see the full picture. When your emotions are intensely tied to a situation, you can’t always think straight. All this to say, the meanings you give to your experiences will shape how you feel.
Very often, it’ll be a mix of both facts and meanings.
For example:
- You might have been waiting a very long time for a dua to be accepted (facts) but it doesn’t mean Allah has abandoned you or that you’re lacking in any way (meaning).
- You might have been the victim in an assault (facts) but it doesn’t mean there’s something dirty or shameful about you (meaning).
- You might have had emotionally neglectful parents (facts) but it doesn’t mean that now no one can ever meet your needs (meaning).
Feel the emotions around the wound and challenge the stories and meanings you take from it. This is an ongoing process until your mind and body no longer reacts to the triggers. Until you no longer feel hopeless to the triggers that would have set you off.
9) Dhikr
Abundant dhikr. At every opportunity, your tongue should be busy with remembering Allah. Make it part of your life – when you’re cooking, picking up your kids, going for a walk, stay busy in the remembrance of Allah. Let that be your default state. Even if your shopping online and busy elsewhere, keep your tongue busy with seeking Allah’s forgiveness.
Dhikr will heal your heart in a way that years of traditional therapy could not.
I don’t have a logical explanation. But coming back to Allah, remembering Him abundantly can heal your heart. It will take you to places that talking/ writing alone could not.
10) Meditate
This might sound woo-woo. In my opinion, this is essential to rewire your brain. I don’t mean meditate in the traditional, spiritual sense. I mean meditate for your mental wellbeing.
Our minds are over stimulated. When you have trauma, the fear and wound is heightened. You’re in a state of alert without even knowing it. All it takes is one thought or one trigger and the spiral begins. It doesn’t even take a minute and your mind could be replaying suppressed emotions from decades ago. An emotional breakdown is literally a second away. This is why you never feel safe because anything can set off a trigger.
Between your thoughts and your reaction, there is a split second. A split second which can determine how this ends. A split second which can allow you to break free from the trigger. A split second that can become 2 minutes, 5 minutes, a full day where you’re no longer trapped by the past.
This is where meditation comes in. It serves 2 purposes:
- To strengthen the space between your thoughts and your reaction – the less you react to the trigger, you train your brain to no longer feed into it. Eventually, you can develop the skills, strengthen your self-love to deal with the situation in front of you without collapsing into it. The starting point is stepping away from the trigger in that split second. Meditation will strengthen the space between your thoughts and your reaction.
- To align with the outcome that you desire – when you’re in trauma, you’re fighting so hard against what you don’t want. Meditating/ visualising on the outcome that you do want breaks this cycle. It’s a moment to moment relief that allows your subconscious mind to expect better for yourself.
P.S. If this post resonates with you and you’re seeking 1-1 support, I offer life coaching sessions to help you heal past wounds, overcome trauma whilst intentionally moving towards the life you’re making dua for. It’s tending to the wounds without getting stuck there. We’ll focus on restoring your iman, building up your self-worth and stepping into the duas and desires that are closest to your heart.
If you’re curious about what this support could look like for you, you’re invited to book a free 20-minute call. It’s a calm, safe space to explore where you are and whether this work feels aligned.
If something within you feels ready, trust that feeling. I can’t wait to speak with you x