‘You’re not pretty enough’

‘You’re not skinny enough’

‘You don’t have enough money’

‘Even if you write an ebook – nobody will buy it, who do you think you are?’

‘Your never going to have a heart-fuelled business, it’s just not possible’

‘You can’t make money following your passion, go and get a real job!’

Fear. Fear. Fear. Meet my mean girl. Each and every one us beautiful women, have an inner mean girl (ego) constantly trying to sabotage our happiness and success. You might recognize her by the awful things she says to you (i.e. ‘Your never going to find a good man, they just don’t exist these days’) or the panic she brings up right before an important moment.

It absolutely broke. my. heart. to see a readers comment earlier this week. She said something like ‘because of what my mum went through, I’m scared that my husband will cheat on me’. When I read that I could feel my heart sinking as though it was being savagely stumped upon and shattered into pieces. The mental prison of fear that we unknowingly lock ourselves in, is truly horrific. We would never in a million years say those things to our friends and families, but we blissfully say the same things to ourselves. What’s worse is that we actually BELIEVE those fear based thoughts.

Would you ever call your child ‘fat, ugly or a failure?’ Never, right? Yet, I bet you’ve called yourself that before. Correct me if I’m wrong 😉 Every time your mean girl comes knocking on your door – you have a choice. You can either entertain those thoughts, dig yourself into misery or gently close the door on her. With this in my mind, I’ve laid out 5 ways to stop fear from ruining your life.

Look darling, you deserve an INCREDIBLE, mind blowing, happy-fuelled, soul-driven life, relationships, health, work etc. But that won’t manifest until you break free from those negative thoughts (that we all experience). So let’s get straight to it:

1.Choose love:

Your mean girl (ego) flourishes on fear. She feeds on fear. Every thought or action you experience, ask yourself ‘Is this coming from a place of love or fear?’ If the thought is coming from fear, flip it around.

For example: You may believe that your confidence sucks and you’re terrible at speaking to new people. Challenge that thought and flip it around. Are you confident with your best friend, sister or kids? I bet you are! 😉 Recall moments to prove that thought wrong and flip it around darling. Tell yourself that you’re funny and entertaining to people. Believe that you are worthy of being a confident, beautiful woman. Because that is where it begins. Any permanent change that happens in your life, always begins with a shift in your mind.

Love over fear. The choice is yours my love.

2. Turn down the volume:

All feelings emanate from thoughts. Thoughts like ‘Your never going to get over him’ or ‘She was all I had, how am I going to manage without my mother?’ is doomed to keep you in the cycle of suffering and endless pain. It takes GUTS, I mean crazy amounts of courage to break that cycle. Practise turning down the volume of your mean girl. Gently, day by day quieten down that voice inside of you.

3. Be in present moment:

Your mean girl can’t exist in the present moment. Only when you leave your heart and tune into your head by worrying over the future or regretting relentlessly over the past, that’s when your mean girl pops up. Any time you engage in a mind war, gently close the door and come back into the moment before you. Remember your mean girl can’t exist in the present moment.

4. Trust that Allah is supporting you:

Allah the Most High says:

‘… Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him…’

(Surah Talaq, Ayah 7)

‘As for those who believe and do good deeds – We never burden a soul with more than it can bear – they are worthy of Paradise, wherein they will live forever.’

(Surah A’raf, Ayah 42)

‘Allah does not burden any human being with more than he can bear. Everyone will enjoy the credit of his deeds and suffer the debits of his evil-doings.’

(Surah Baqarah, Ayah 286)

‘…We do not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear; and when you voice an opinion, be just, even though it be [against] one near of kin. And [always] observe your bond with Allah…’

(Surah An’am, Ayah 152)

Every hardship you face, you have an equal force of support and comfort coming from Allah.  For that reason, don’t drown in your fears. When you experience hardship and your mean girl is on volume 10, don’t give in. Don’t dig yourself a hole of misery and lament. Don’t close off your doors and sulk in bed. You have it within you to break free from those thoughts and achieve your hearts desire.

5. Engage in abundant durood:

Recently I gave my first public speech and let me tell you I was terrified!!! So much that my insides were shaking out of fear and I vividly remember feeling the urge to burst into uncontrollable tears. I wanted to hide under a rock and cry! Despite attempting to back-out twice, I did eventually go for it. When I spoke to my friends and teachers for solace, they all advised me to recite plenty of durood. It helped me immensely in calming my nerves and not feeling the fear.

So these are my 5 ways to stop fear ruining your life. Let me tell you – we ALL experience fear. Fear of poverty, marital affairs, being childless, old age, obesity, disapproval of others etc. But we have a choice. A choice to feel merciless at our mean girl chatter or to gently close the door on her.  A choice to leave the shackles of your mind and live from your heart. A choice to live your wildest dreams or remain imprisoned by your mind.

So darling, what choice are you making?