For some reason, I really lost my sense of confidence. It was slowly creeping up on me. I didn’t think much of it. But when I saw my insecurities being played out there and reflected back to me… it was a key moment of transformation. Seeing how my inner world was shaping my outer world was a powerful moment of clarity.
So I went to work. I knew what I had to do to get myself back into feeling aligned, whole, glowing within. Reigniting the confidence that had once been dimmed along the way. Confidence to me is about believing in yourself. Backing yourself. It’s an inner state, an energy shift that you embody from within. Pour yourself a cup of herbal tea, get cosy and let’s begin!
1. Be Conscious of What You’re Consuming
If I could pinpoint what was causing me to lose my confidence, I think it would be this. I was consuming content on Instagram/ YouTube that felt off but temporarily sparkled in my eyes. It was a mixture of lifestyle, fashion content and YouTube advice channels that were intriguing on the surface but rooted in too much fear. It was the constant silent bragging on Instagram that left me feeling like I don’t have enough.
Confidence is you choosing yourself. As much as I initially enjoyed and felt inspired by these accounts, when it started to feel off or icky I had to choose myself. Protecting my peace of mind became more important than following people online who had once inspired me. Here’s an action step for you: unfollow any accounts that make you feel less than. If it triggers you in the slightest, unfollow for a few days. You’ll quickly realise how little value these influences have in your life.
2. Appreciate Yourself Within
I say within because sometimes talking about your good points to others may come from not feeling worthy or looking for validation. When you feel confident in yourself, you’re not really bothered by what other people think – good or bad. You just don’t care.
Whenever you notice something good about yourself, take a moment to appreciate it. Your skin is glowing today? Yess girl! Your body is feeling more sculpted and toned? Amazing honey! Have you noticed how far you’ve come? If you’ve committed to your emotional growth and healing, take a moment to appreciate your journey. If you’ve progressed in a skill (be it finance, cooking, crocheting, gardening etc.) be proud for not giving up. Take a moment each day to really appreciate yourself.
3. Invest In Beautiful, Quality Lingerie
And wear it daily! There’s something about making the effort to wear quality lingerie that lifts your confidence. Get it… lifts? 😉 It’s an intimate act of self-love – nobody knows but you. It sets the tone for how you feel in your body. It’s spending a few minutes in the morning deciding that you’re worth more than lounging in a tattered T-shirt bra that makes you feel anything but sensual and feminine.
Begin by using the Marie Kondo method for your lingerie wardrobe. Take everything out and donate anything that you’ve outgrown, no longer fits or doesn’t spark joy. You might hold onto a few pieces that you cherish, beyond that anything that you’re no longer using goes to charity. Next, organise your lingerie so that you’re able to see what you have whilst folding away smaller, delicate pieces. Make it personal by putting your favourite intimates to the front or using open storage boxes/clear beauty bags.
4. Limit Accommodating Behaviour
If your child is sick, naturally that’s going to take preference. If your parents need help, you gravitate towards them even at the expense of other things. That kind of accommodating behaviour is not what we’re talking about here. I prefer to call it being in the flow, like a flowing stream, you’re able to adjust to your surroundings without it throwing you off.
When you feel insecure or unworthy, you’re willing to prioritize and accommodate others at your own expense.
Somewhere along the lines, we’ve been taught:
Accommodating for others = making them happy
That’s simply not true.
Instead of accommodating, let people put in the effort to be with you. You don’t always have to be available just because it suits them best. This goes for looking after your neighbour’s kids, friendship meetups, client calls, maintaining marital love, dealing with family issues and so forth. Let people come to you. Let them work things out, you don’t have to be their first stop of saviour.
Let people appreciate your time.
Let them value your company.
Let them make the effort to be with you.
Too much kindness becomes an overkill for attraction. It’s like overwatering a plant or suffocating it with too much soil.
5. Embody A C’est’ La Vie Attitude/ Let It Be
When you’re feeling confident, you’re not interfering with things that are beyond your control. You’re not meddling with external factors to make yourself feel better. That’s where the ‘C’est la vie – That’s life’ attitude comes in. It follows on from not always accommodating or people-pleasing. It’s understanding that life isn’t going to go perfectly planned for any of us. Mistakes happen, people have moods and opinions all the time and so be it. C’est la vie ;)) Let it be. Most of the time, it’s not even about you.
6. Dwell Into A Practice For You (i.e. Cooking, Baking, Working Out, Decor etc.)
It’s a labour of love. Something to dwell your mind into and physically engage your senses, staying off your phone as much as possible. The key is to do it for you. Your family and others may benefit from it too but for the most part, you’re doing this for yourself. What is a hobby that you’d love to get into? Is there a skill that you’d love to refine? Is there a cuisine that you’ve yet to explore?
Here’s why I love this so much, it brings you into your body. Present and cherishing the moment. When you’re practicing a hobby, you’re not playing mind games or stuck in fear town. You’re not even thinking about yourself. You’ve committed yourself to an art and that’s a beautiful thing. Does it boost your confidence? Absolutely!
7. Let Go Of Unattractive Behaviour
Think about your most confident, glowing, loving self. Would she be emotionally dumping her thoughts on Instagram? Probably not. Would she be buying things to impress others? Not really. Would she be chasing people for attention? No. Would she be glued to her phone, waiting on every notification? Of course not. Would she be wallowing in self-pity? Uh uh.
When you’re feeling insecure and unconfident, check in with your actions. Emotions can cloud your judgment and affect your behaviours. Are you an attractive person? Not solely by your physical appearance but by the kind of woman you are. Your aura, your presence, your feminine energy and quiet confidence that is felt by others.
Better yet, would you be attracted to yourself?
Think about it. Think about your day and how you show up for yourself. If you saw that in another person, would you be drawn to them? Are there any behaviours (inwardly and externally) that would put you off? You can feel insecure but you don’t have to act upon it.
8. Connect To Your Worth From Within
“Her greatest asset will never be anything physical”
This isn’t something you do or find out there. It’s not found in a status or relationship symbol. It’s an energy state that you feel and cultivate from within. Connect to that place in your heart where nothing of this world matters. Where nothing out there can define your worth. Where at the end of the day, it’s you and Allah. Nothing else matters.
When your confidence begins to waver, there’s a good chance that you’ve attached your worth to things outside of yourself. Like how good of a parent you are, the size of your waist, your social skills, how successful you think you are, the number on the scales, how many material possessions you have etc. These things are beautiful parts of your life but they are not you.
Think of a person you love. Maybe it’s your child, your parents, your husband, your grandparents, maybe someone that’s no longer here. Think of them in your mind right now. What would you give to be with them and see them happy? All of this world, right? You’d give up every mountain of gold, just to see them at peace. There isn’t an item in this world that you would trade them for.
That is your worth.
Your life is ultimately a love story of devotion, worship, surrender, trust, acceptance between you and Allah.
Your greatest asset will never be out there. When you connect to that spark, it will change your life.