Periods. Pregnancies. Hormones. Heartaches. It can all become really overwhelming, right? In this post, I want to talk about 4 ways to heal through heavy emotions. 4 ways that actually help you process these emotions. Not temporarily make you feel good or keep you distracted (hello YouTube binging + puffing down a bag of Sensations crisps) but 4 ways that actually help you shift through these heavy emotions. Let’s get started!
1) You’ve Got To Feel It To Heal It
Make that your mantra 🙂
If you don’t acknowledge it, you can’t release it. This is often the hardest part of releasing heavy emotions – allowing yourself to fully feel them. Letting yourself be with this feeling, letting yourself feel it fully in your body without getting carried away with the story in your mind.
Really feeling it in your body. The next time you feel this surge of anger, rage, fear, hurt, rejection (whatever else comes up) stay with it. Before you rush to the story of ‘How could this happen? Why did he do this to me for? Why does this always happen to me? When is this going to end?”…stay with the feeling. Stay present with the feeling in your body. Let yourself feel whatever needs to come through without any judgement or resistance or mind chatter on your part.
Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed? Feel it fully.
Maybe you’re feeling angry? Let it be so.
Maybe you’re feeling jealous? Step into it.
Maybe you’re feeling abandoned? Stay with it.
Maybe you’re feeling heartbroken? Be there.
It won’t last forever. But it needs to come forth for it to pass. It needs to come up, to be released. Like a child whose nagging for your attention, at one of point you’ve got to put your phone down and hold them in your arms. You’ve got to stop the distractions and give him/her the loving care and attention they need. Your emotional wounds are no different – you can’t block your feelings with Häagen–Dazs forever.
As you’ve read this far, do you notice a pattern here? The focus is on you. Not your husband changing his ways. Not your children behaving differently. Not your parents/ siblings/ friends behaving any differently for you to feel better but you. Only you. When you’re hurting, it’s so easy to point the finger out there.
Sometimes, that is the reality. Where broken people throw their shame, guilt and pain onto you. Traumatic events that are beyond your control. Or ancestral wounds that are passed down from generations. Other times, the external events (people and circumstances that hurt) are triggering your own deep-seated pain. It’s shining a light to what was already there.
Whether it was inflicted upon you or it’s shining a light to past pain, it is your divine responsibility to heal. Nobody can do this for you. No perfect man can love you enough to heal your pain. No Chanel 2.55 can distract you long enough to take away the hurt. No filtered Instagram feed can be validating enough to soothe the pain of your own heart. This is your responsibility. Your spiritual duty.
Isn’t that amazing? You never have to be at the mercy of other people’s behaviours towards you. You never have to wait on people or circumstances to change how you feel within. That begins with accepting and acknowledging what you feel. You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge.
2) Own Your Truth
This slightly overlaps with the previous point. When you’re feeling through heavy emotions, there’s a natural tendency to seek validation of our pain from others. You want your pain to be validated – that you’re not overreacting or too sensitive but that it’s real.
Instead of waiting for others to acknowledge your emotions, take the first step to voice them. Wihtin yourself first and foremost – own how you feel. Be willing to drop the facade and admit to yourself when things feels awful/ gut wrenchingly painful/ any other emotions. It’s scary to own the heaviest parts of your soul but soo needed.
Thereafter, if you feel called, voice your hurt to others/ the people involved.
If you’re too much in your feminine energy (i.e wounded feminine), this can be a really scary step – to voice your deepest pain despite the fear of how other people will react to it. It’s not playing the cool girl, pretending to be okay (when it’s really not), trying to surrender and go with the flow when deep down, something within you needs to be brought forth. If you’re in the midst of all these heavy emotions, what needs to come forth? What are you afraid to acknowledge?
This may look like saying:
“Hey, you’ve put me in a really shitty place”
“That really hurt”
“I can’t do this today”
Owning how you feel is not about blaming someone else. It’s not being afraid to voice your pain. There is so much freedom and ease that comes when you lovingly own your truth. You’re not blaming yourself or holding yourself accountable. But you’re giving voice to the pain within. A non-judgemental, open voice that yearns to be heard.
3) Express + Process Your Feelings
Now that you’ve allowed yourself to feel through the feelings (instead of avoiding, blocking or numbing them) and given it a voice, you may still feel called to express it through other ways. Sometimes feeling through the emotions + lovingly owning it is enough to release it. Other times, you might feel called to express and process it deeper.
Imagine a little child crying. You’d put your phone down and rush to see what’s happening. You’d hold the child in your arms, listen to their hurt and comfort them as they cry it out (i.e. you allow them to feel through it, listening to them voicing their hurt – step 1 & 2). Sometimes holding your child is enough. A few tight cuddles and they’re good to go. Other times, you might have to comfort them with your words even more/ you might carry them for a walk/ you might sing to them or play silly games/ you might give them a lolly/ you might promise taking them to the park (i.e. you continue the healing process – step 3 & 4).
For yourself, when the little girl within you is triggered, you treat her with the same love and attention. How do you feel called to process these feelings? You can’t store it within. What means help you express your deepest emotions?
Here are a few suggestions:
– A huge, emotional dua to Allah: no hiding, no pretending that you’re okay, 100% honesty with Allah. Tell Allah everything – I mean everything. Every little fear, doubt, pain that needs to come forth.
– Emotional brain dump: open up your journal and drop all your feelings and thoughts onto paper. You’re not second guessing yourself here. You’re not censoring what you write. It’s raw, unfiltered writing.
– Punching into a pillow
– Long walks/ intense exercise: I’ve found that when you feel emotionally stuck in your body, exercising it out really helps. As though getting your body moving allows those emotions to flow again. When your mind is focusing on something else (i.e. completing the workout), the space and distance allows you to process the feeling better.
– Crying it out
– Talking to someone you trust
4) Step Up For You
When a child hurts, you promise to do better. You promise to take them out to the park more often. You promise to spend quality time with them. You buy them toys and ice cream to cheer them up. You make your child’s happiness, connection with Allah, emotional well-being a priority. You promise to protect and voice their needs.
By that same token, you also stop or limit the things which are hurting them. If another child or adult is being horrible to them, uh bye-bye honey! 😉 You limit the over consumption of iPad’s/ Netflix, excessive sugar and junk food. You put in routines or a basic structure for their day.
Treat yourself in the same way.
When you’re hurt, there’s a little girl within you crying to be protected, held and loved.
It’s for you to give her that.
What rituals, routines or boundaries can you uphold to love and protect yourself?
Maybe it’s time to stop hurting yourself by going back to the people/ things that are hurting you. Maybe it’s time to temporarily delete social media. Maybe it’s time to follow through with your dreams and goal even if you’re not in the mood for it. Maybe it’s to stop chasing love by giving up on your values and needs to please another person, in the hope that one day they’ll love you enough to soothe the emptiness of giving up on your own heart. Maybe it’s time to voice your preferences. Maybe it’s time to stop playing the cool girl and claim your heartfelt desires. Maybe it’s time to stop making an effort with people who don’t want it. Maybe it’s time to stop basing your existence and worth around your children.
What is it for you? What are you so done with? What are you now ready to step into?
P.s If you’d like further 1-1 support to heal through heavy emotions, past hurt or endless mind chatter that might be holding you back now, click here to learn more about my 3 month coaching program. I’m here to support you all the way.
P.s.s If you’d like to book a Soul Session; a one off 60 minute coaching call + 2 weeks of unlimited voice note/ email coaching, click here to learn more.