This post really hit hard with me. The way you describe how people use religion to cover up or stifle their natural human needs is exactly how I feel among the people I keep company with. I try to be more open about it, but I get weird looks for sharing, how can I get more people to express their natural needs for emotional and physical love?
Are you repressing parts of yourself that want to be expressed? Are you afraid of being seen and feeling sensual? Are you holding back from opening up to your husband in fear that he won’t love you enough back?
As Muslim women, we’ve been ingrained about modesty since forever. As a young child, most of us were taught the importance of hijab, wearing an abaya etc. And that’s a beautiful thing – modesty is such a beautiful thing. And so undervalued in today’s world.
When you come into a marriage, the dynamics you have within your relationship (to your husband) and yourself start to change. It means coming to terms with parts of yourself, that you probably haven’t expressed fully before.
If I’m confusing you a little bit, it comes down to this:
Too many women are hiding behind the religious/ modest label, in fear of expressing their deepest feminine needs of being adored, loved and seen.
Emotionally and physically.
This has nothing to do with how many relationships you’ve had or how you dress like. This has very little to do with the way you look. You could be a size 6 with the face of an angel and an Instagram profile to rival any upcoming model, yet still be deeply insecure and afraid.
You can be dressed in lace, high heels, chiffon lingerie and pencil skirts and still be very dominant, power hungry and masculine. And your husband can feel that fear. That block of withdrawing and holding back.
So what’s the way forward?
+ Start by doing this for you – you owe it to yourself to love and honour every part of you. Do this for you, for your inner confidence and happiness.
+ Journal on this prompt: “If I wasn’t afraid of being seen in my marriage and fully expressing myself, I would…” Maybe you would dress differently – in a way that makes you feel soft and feminine. Maybe you would push yourself, just a little out of your comfort zone. Maybe you would honour your needs first before you seek them from your spouse.
+ Treat your body like a temple – if you treat your body like a million bucks, you’re going to feel that. Maybe it’s nourishing your body with healthy, wholesome meals, going for a good workout or body brushing and moisturising with your favourite scented body oil.
Are you hiding behind your deen as a way of not moving forward? Or on the other end of the scale, are you afraid of being seen as practising?
With both of these scenarios, you’re telling yourself stories that are simply not true.
Stories such as:
“I can’t be religious and buy expensive things for myself.”
“I can’t share my Islamic knowledge with others, people aren’t going to take me seriously.”
“I can’t be practising and be financially abundant. People are starving in this world.”
“I don’t want to show my practising side in front of others. They’re going to judge and mock me for it.”
With being afraid to be seen in your deen:
+ Connect back to your intention. Go back to why it matters. Go back to why you desired this change in the first place. Connect and reconnect to your intention every day. Once is not enough – your intention is such a powerful tool to create the life of your dreams.
+ Challenge your beliefs. Who says you can’t be rich and righteous? (Look at Abdur Rahman ibn Awf may Allah be pleased with him). Who says you can’t be practising just because you messed up a few times in your past? Connect deeply to your intentions and challenge your deep-seated beliefs.
For a long time I used to think “I’m just not motivated, I can’t be bothered, I’m too busy, I’m too tired…” you get the drift 😉 Yet beneath those stories were heaps of fear and lack. Fear of failure, fear of being seen, fear of being different to other women, fear of not being worthy, fear of succeeding and becoming a threat to others… it was a bucket load of fear. Until I worked through those fears and limiting beliefs, no other girl boss advice, productivity tools or strategies lasted. When I healed those fears, guess what happened? Those stories about not being motivated/ not enough time fell away because it was never the issue in the first place.
Where are you hiding in your life today?
What are you holding yourself back from?
What stories are you hiding behind?
You might have noticed a theme here: with being afraid to be seen, you’re holding onto an identity that is no longer serving you. Now you’re changing your perception of who you are, you’re pushing out of your own comfort zone, your challenging your own thoughts and beliefs… and that my loves is how you step into becoming the woman that you’ve always wanted to be.
You get to step into that dream woman today.
Is it time that you finally give yourself permission to lead with your heart and step into becoming the woman who has the dreams and life that you desire? If it’s a heck YEAH and your heart is deeply committed to this journey, book in a free powerful 20 min coaching chat here. We’ll begin to uncover your blocks so that you’ll feel lighter inshaAllah with more clarity and a proven action plan to move forward.