Having felt jealousy in the past I know how it feels to be intimidated by other women. When you see someone who looks prettier than you, more intelligent, more confident and wealthier than you it makes you feel envious of them. When you see a women who has it all it, you begin to feel threatened and anxious. You start doubting her and think of any reason to put her down.
But I promise you it does not have to be like that. Jealousy is like all other emotions. It is there to show you that something needs to be improved on. Something within you needs to be changed. The Prophet pbuh warned us against jealousy as it makes you unappreciative of Allah’s blessings. He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: “Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood.” [Abu Dawood]
So it makes sense to begin with gratitude in your life. Thank Allah for everything and the day that you realise you can never thank Allah enough is the day you’ll truly appreciate Allah. The foundation is gratitude upon which I have explained 4 ways to help you eradicate jealousy from your life inshaAllah.
1. Evaluate your Jealousy
Is there a certain theme or pattern to your Jealousy? Be honest with yourself – I know it feels so uncomfortable but who are you jealous of? What is it about them that makes you jealous. Identify the qualities and circumstances that makes you feel in such a way. Look beyond the apparent meaning. For example: sometimes it is not the husband and wife that you maybe jealous but the fact that they have a wonderful relationship that you really crave. Maybe it’s not the pretty face that intimidates you but the fact that she can carry herself with confidence and poise.
2. Seek It
Your emotions are speaking to you. Let those feelings guide you. The only reason your jealous of something is because deep inside you want those things and you have a fear that you will never be able to attain it. So my dear Sisters, seek out that which you are jealous of. If you are jealous of educated people, go out and learn. When you see someone who is better than you in cooking/makeup/fitness etc. use that as an inspiration for you to aim higher. If it is haram, then change your focus. Keep your mind busy and focus on other areas and interests in your life.
Take care of yourself. Embrace your femininity and give yourself permission to be amazing and fabulous. Allah created you as a women so please don’t feel the need to to give up all your girly practises to become a better Muslimah. There is place and time for everything. I have this simple equation for success:Take care of You = Feeling good (about yourself) = Higher Self Esteem = More Productive, less procrastination. When you feel good about yourself you are less likely to procrastinate all day. So do the things that increase your self esteem. When you give yourself permission to be who you want to be, jealousy has a much harder time creeping up.
4.Create your life
Stop day dreaming and start living the life you want. Put your excuses and emotions aside and start doing something. And trust that there is enough to go around. Just because someone is richer than you, that doesn’t make you poor. Likewise, just because you think someone is prettier than you, it doesn’t make you ugly. At a deeper level you feel jealous because some way or the other you are comparing yourself to the person. But here’s the thing: there will always be someone who has more money, education, looks, status and piety than you. But guess what? They can never be you. They can never have your lifestyle, your mindset, your attitude to life, your wisdom, your strength. That’s the beauty of it.
What I have come to realise is that when you live a fabulous life, when you honour yourself as a women, jealousy is less likely to show up. When you give yourself permission to be beautiful, to buy the things that you want and to live the lifestyle you want your less likely to feel jealous of someone else who is doing that. Lastly, know that you are so blessed and fortunate. The fact that you are reading this now using technology,is enough to conclude that you are amongst the richest people on this earth.